In Christian circles (where I’ve lived almost exclusively) the term “spiritual gifts” and “gifts of the spirit” are used frequently. The idea, I think, is that after God was no longer around physically in the person of Jesus, he sent us his Spirit and would give people abilities to connect with this Spirit through certain gifts.
The Bible has a few lists of these spiritual gifts including words like healing, prayer, prophecy, and speaking in tongues. Frankly, whenever I read these lists I feel forgotten – like God passed over me when he was doling out gifts.
I’ve never fit into one of those lists.
When I think about what I’m good at, it’s not really the “spiritual” stuff. Like I’m pretty good at word games like Taboo and Outburst. I also seem to do pretty well at exaggeration and hyperbole. When I tell stories, details don’t matter to me nearly as much as conveying the overall point and feeling of the story. (This particular “gift” happens to drive my literal-minded husband crazy.) I also am good at forgetting things. Of course this is both a blessing and a curse.
But these things seem silly and unimportant, spiritually speaking.
A new thought crossed my mind this morning, though, that perhaps in all my years of wondering whether I have a gift, I’ve overlooked something. It’s something that comes quite naturally to me and I’ve never considered until this morning that it might actually be a gift. And the thought is blowing my mind.
Is it possible I have the gift of transparency? Really, the idea of transparency being a gift seems preposterous. And it is so counter cultural to the world I was raised in.
Church – and the Christian life in general – has this tendency to present a front. And as I recently realized, I have gotten very, very good at faking it. Throughout my life, I have learned to fit into this Christian culture of false authenticity. I can outwardly portray brokenness and vulnerability with the best of them while inwardly feeling disconnected and disappointed and forgotten. I’ve tried for years to fit the mold of what I thought a Christian was supposed to look like.
But when I think about the things I’ve shared that have resonated most with people, they are the ones where I share my junk. My questions. My doubts. My fears. The most “unspiritual” posts, if you will. When I’m open about my struggles, people get that. They connect with it.
And I seem to have the weird ability to put this mess into words.
We go to a church which is unique in its wholehearted embracing of the messiness of Christianity. Our leaders always speak from a place of vulnerability, which makes it easy to listen to them them, trust them and learn from them. I’ve been in my job at that church for a year now, and I can’t help but think that maybe this job and this church at this time in my life has a specific role to play in my journey to discovering my life’s purpose.
Because the fact is, I’m not just contemplating a gift, but a purpose. In my discovering a gift, I can’t help but wonder at the idea that my life has a purpose – an unavoidable calling to use this gift. Why else would I have it? I wasn’t created with a gift to have it mean nothing. It’s there for a purpose.
I’m created for this.
So, you, my blog readers, are a crucial part of this journey. For it is here on this blog that I am beginning to explore the idea of a gift of transparency and how that might play out in my life’s purpose.
You are my sounding board. Your feedback is invaluable. Your encouragement gives me the courage to keep exploring the unknown.
So thank you for your part in my journey.