My Marriage. My Idol.

I have made an idol of my marriage.

It’s like my ring. My precious. I hold it and caress it and then when I feel threatened I lash out and grab it to me and stash it away.

It has become my utmost focus in my life. I am obsessed with it. With measuring it. With improving it. With investing in it. With fighting for it.

I have felt noble in this cause because it’s marriage – a holy covenant created by God and discarded by the world.

I have felt justified in the focus and attention I give it because I thought it needed to be defended – like if I didn’t give my constant attention to it, it would crumble and fall apart.

Statistics don’t lie, right?

And in the midst of my devotion, it snuck up and planted itself squarely on the highest pedestal of my life.

My marriage became my god.

I find I don’t have time to focus on my “relationship” with God because I’m so focused on my marriage and other human relationships. God’s not going anywhere. My husband, though, could and I need to do everything I can to prevent that. (Never mind the fact that he’s vowed repeatedly that he won’t. That’s not the point.)

I now realize that my entire life, God has been there, in the background – in the shadow of the monument I’ve built to my marriage, patiently and politely waiting for me to acknowledge Him. He’s not pushy or demanding so it’s easy to take Him for granted and operate under the premise that He’ll be there for me “when I need Him.”

But He is a jealous God.

He has a way of quietly knocking every idol out of His way. He is a relentless lover, eyes locked on me, pursuing me with passion.