To mask or not to mask … that is the question.

Two nights ago Chris and I headed downtown. My mom had the kids for a night so we were going to attempt a “date.”

We did not wear masks. (I had one at the ready in my purse, but chose not to wear it.) We didn’t discuss this. We just … didn’t put them on.

First, we stopped by to check out a small business our friends had just opened that day. We wandered around their store and chatted with a few people. Then we picked up food from a local restaurant and ate it in a park. Then we walked Tejon street to Josh and John’s for ice cream.

Downtown was a ghost town. It was lovely. And it was terribly sad.

Yesterday I went out to two “essential” businesses, Home Depot and King Soopers.

I wore a mask to both, per our governor’s request.

At Home Depot, I pulled into the parking spot and saw a line that went from the door almost the entire length of the building of the building. There was a person with a walkie talkie at the door, allowing people in one at a time, only as people exited. I needed one can of paint. When I finally got inside, after 25 minutes of waiting, the store was virtually empty and what should have been a 10 minute errand turned into a 45 minute trip.

Later that day, at King Soopers, there was another line with people monitoring who could enter based on who exited. I smirked when I realized it sounded just like a ride at an amusement park. “How many? Just one? Go ahead.”

After a 10 minute wait, I was let in. I grabbed a basket, navigated around people in aisles, and used the self checkout. I still did all the things that put me at risk picking up the virus. And so I disinfected my hands when I got to my car.

But I’m confused about the social distancing measures. The “Safer at Home” initiative. The arbitrariness of which businesses are allowed to remain open and which are closed. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to any of this.

How much risk was decreased by waiting in line and limiting the amount of people in the stores? I was still around the same people. We just happened to be standing in a line rather than shopping together. They didn’t lessen the people. They just moved them outside.

There seems to be great controversy as to whether masks make a difference, which types of masks are effective and who should be wearing them.

Actually there’s controversy about pretty much everything right now. I don’t know who to believe. I don’t know what to believe. I’ve even swung from one of the spectrum to the other.

What I do know is that I miss people. I miss my people. I miss spontaneity.

I feel like I’m trying to hit a baseball I can’t see. I’m swinging the bat wildly through the air, while people are yelling at me where to swing. Only they’re all yelling different things.

If I knew that my staying home would literally save a life, I’d do it. In a heartbeat. No question. (I’m an Enneagram 2 … how could I not?!)

But the problem is, I don’t know that.

Apparently we did effectively flatten the curve. Yay us. But now what? Why are we staying home now? Why the masks? Why the fear?

I hate that everything becomes a political issue. It makes it hard to fully trust anyone. For who is truly without an agenda?

So I will wear a mask until our governor stops asking us to do so.

And I will pray he does that soon. Because I. Hate. It.