Can I be real with you for a few minutes? Thanks. I just need to bare my soul. It doesn’t happen too often, at least not in public forums like this.
A disclaimer: I’m writing this post mainly for my single friends. I decided to share it specifically for others that might be weathering a similar storm in the same boat. If you’re married and interested in the woes of a single girl, then by all means, read on. Just wanted to give you fair warning.
Dating sucks. I have had more false starts than I care to count. Here’s a little glimpse into my journal from a few days ago.
I’ve not been doing well with the whole single thing lately. I fear I’m becoming “that girl.” You know the one … lonely and desperate to be with someone. Especially during the last couple weeks, it seems like my single status has been on my mind constantly. I feel very single everywhere I go. And very alone. It’s been hard … a HUGE mental, emotional, spiritual battle. I fight against a new wave of depression and discouragement every day. I fight to find my worth in the truth about who God says I am. Satan tells me lies consistently about how I’m not attractive to men and how I’ll never have anyone. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster and my emotions change by the hour. I struggle not to doubt the Lord and his timing. I get angry and frustrated and impatient with him. I try to figure out what he’s waiting for – what I can change or do to make the timing finally “right.” I put on a happy, content face and encourage my other single friends while inside I’m filled with oceans of fear and doubt and insecurities.
So there ya go. My soul, bared. Bleh. Not very pretty, is it? I’m not sure why this has hit me so hard these past couple weeks. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that 30 is just a couple months away … I don’t know. This whole “struggling with a birthday” thing is brand new to me. But this valley is a deep one.
God still sits on the throne. He hears my prayers – my words of frustration and discouragement – and he says, “I love you, Becky. Will you trust me in this?”
So on I go, trusting that he’ll bring an amazing husband to me – one who will be more than worth the wait.