I miss writing.
I know that’s kind of weird to say because I’m not “a writer.” I’m an off-and-on blogger who recently has been more off than on. I used to have a decent amount of readers when I was posting consistently. But that was back in my single days. When I had a lot more time to think about … well … me. Honestly I kind of miss those days.
These days are all about wiping noses and time outs and leveraging chocolate milk to get kids to eat vegetables. It’s about potty charts and preschool and reading The Artist Who Painted a Blue Horse. 1,000,000,000 times. It’s about every day trying to have more moments of cuddles and giggles than tears and tantrums.
Because that’s how I measure success these days.
It used to be that I had time each day to write. Time to reflect on my day and process my thoughts and feelings. Writing – both journaling and blogging – was a natural part of my daily routine. Before I had a husband, writing was my dumping ground, my sounding board, my emotional outlet.
The process was my friend. And I miss it like one.
In this season of raising young children, I’ve found it really difficult to find the proper balance of life. As purely a stay at home mom, I go insane with the lack of routine, daily monotony and social isolation. So I add a part time job (or two) and suddenly my social needs are being met and my skills are being used and my schedule is ridiculously overloaded and my personal time has gone from very little to absolutely none.
And so writing is one of the things that goes.
But it had become such a part of me that now I miss it. I know this season of life won’t last forever and I often dream of the day when my kids are a little more independent and I have a few moments again to think about myself. I know one day I’ll look back on these days with nostalgia, but right now I’m just trying to make it through each day without yelling at my kids or fighting with my husband or forgetting a meeting.
And every once in a while – like this morning – even though life won’t allow it, I just ignore everything else for a bit and write again. Just because I want to.
I’m so glad you took time to write. You truly are a writer no matter whether its been 2 days or two years. It lives inside you always. I always love reading your posts because I love the authenticity in your writing. And creativity in its many forms is such an important part of being human and being able to function for many people. I know that I need creativity in my life as much as I need air to breathe. I just feel blocked without it. Keep writing, whenever you can, because the world needs your voice and nothing can replace it. Love you Becky, and I wish you peace and space to be you.
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium, and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.” -Martha Graham