Tomorrow will be two months since Chris and I got married. In some ways, it seems much longer than that. Especially when I think about how much I’ve had to learn. How much adjustment and change and growth has already happened. Getting married is the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I think the thing that has taken me most by surprise is how, in the middle of this most intimate of human relationships, I find myself having to cling more completely and more wholly and more fervently to God. I am having to trust Him and go to Him with more frequency. I am having to confess more to Him than ever before.
When I was single and struggling with my desire to be married, I thought my dependence on God and my desire for Him during that time was so strong that it would probably be unmatched by any other time in life. My singleness put me in a position of asking God to fill my need for love and intimacy. It was a daily battle. I would swing wildly from one extreme to the other – from despairing and being consumed by my unfulfilled desire for a husband to the next moment brimming with hope and belief in God’s promise to fulfill the desires of my heart. It definitely was a time of growth and maturity and independence.
But thankfully, I was wrong about my desire for God. It was matched, and in fact has been surpassed. Marriage has taken this dependence-on-God thing to a whole other level.
I’ve had tons of friends get married. I’m a realist. I knew going into this that it wouldn’t be easy. I knew it would be hard work. The interesting thing is, though, the things that I expected to be hard actually aren’t that hard and things that are hard are things I never expected. I suppose you can’t truly ever be prepared for something like this … at some point you just gotta jump in.
Here’s one thing that makes it so challenging: It’s having to make adjustments in every single part of your life. All at once. If we could take things one at a time, it would make more sense to expect perfection. But we can’t do that, so we have to give each other the allowance to make mistakes and the grace to have second chances.
The amazing part is, though, through all this change and adjustment and growth, as long as I involve God in the process, I’m finding within myself a greater capacity to love Chris.
So … if that is the result then I say, “Bring it on!”